P.S. I will always keep you near my heart but this is it for me

4/18/18
Hope you’re not asleep yet for a bedtime story. 🤗

Once upon a time, blah blah...I fell for this guy who lived somewhere in this polluted planet. To my very core, I knew he wasn’t the one yet I was utterly addicted to him. I absorbed his attention like no tomorrow. I liked the way he carried himself, adorably so. I laughed at his dumb jokes. There were moments that he made me incredibly happy just by talking with him. In such a big world yet I found a kindred spirit like him whom I felt safe enough to cry ugly to, which was a surprised to me and scared the hell out of me later. But like all fairy tales, there was a villain.  One day, an “evil elephant in the room” appeared, unnoticeably to my knowledge at first. It caused him to distancing himself from our daily conversations with half hearted replies. The light in my eyes dimmed a little. Hopes of incoming messages and pages of my story dissipated and shortened a little everyday. It felt like we were riding waves and crossing the boundaries together then one of us had to come down, leaving one falling. Unlike all other fairy tales, my story doesn’t have a happy ending. I knew for some times now that I have lost you. Lol jk can’t lose what I never had. It seems like we can’t even be friends anymore which sucks a lot. You were my favorite person the last few months - truth, from the beginning to even the last few weeks. I don’t regret it, talking to you and getting to know you.  I wish we could go back those moments and spoke our minds-no dancing around topics.  Either way, I just wanted to be selfish and share you my bedtime story. Best wishes to you and your love one.
I’m not interested in chasing after one sided friendship. I suck at letting go cuz I’m sentimental fool I guess. But even I know when to take a bow and walk away. 😛Catch me on the street one day, somewhere, maybe, and do say hai. This is it for me. I’m blocking my addiction. 🙂<3 ya, blammy.
-T ✌️Blamgerine 😝

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4/18/18

Maybe you've blocked me already but I hope you haven't. ill start by saying that you've have my heart for quite a while now and while i've wanted to be with you, i've understood why we weren't together or why we've never met up. you make me smile and feel like a better person every time I talk to you. ever since i've been single for these past couple of months, I know I haven't been the best person to talk. I guess i've been distancing myself to protect myself from being heartbroken without leading myself on to fall for you even more because we live so far away from each other and I know that I won't ever get to see you everyday. ill be around if you ever need anything or if you need someone to cry to. i'm completely honest to you in saying that there's nobody or anybody else in my life telling me that i can't talk to you anymore. work life has been such a whirlwind of busy-ness  in the last month and a half for me that i've been overwhelmed.

my message will probably never reach you since it doesn't say delivered but I hope you'll reach out to me again one day 😔



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4/19/18

I'm not good at organizing, let alone putting my thoughts together right now. There’s a good chance that I don’t make sense.
I like you. I always have. I can even pinpoint exactly when, when you told me the greatest gift that you have ever received was from your older brother Paul. I don't know, it is silly really, but something about it awes me to the bottom of my toes... that you love your family and you are still grateful for a gesture that happened a long time ago. You are caring and selfless to the people you care about even when it burdens you at times. You, you are precious in that. But the great blammy isn’t all that great. I know that. You are the worst as you are the best because you have the worst timing in my book, you think with your head so thoroughly, you are unwavering in your resolve and worst of all, you are kind. Don't offer being there when being there is what makes me want to cry right now. The random voice recording you've ever sent me, the one after I cried, you said if I ever needed anything, you would be there. As always, your offer is too generous and possibly just being polite, that I might be tempted to take you up on it. Alas, no. I’m 24 and I need to grow the hell up. I hope that you are always well but when you're sad or unsure which you said you don't often feel so but in case when you do, I hope you would see U the way I see you. Precious and kind. Go do you, explore and find yourself a girl who makes you smile and laugh. She whom you would like more than gym, your bed and maybe even your mama. And, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. There’s no future in us besides friendship. I got it so hush. I go do me till I feel alright and whole. When my heart reconcile with my head, maybe then I can reach out to you again one day. But right now with everything and you, I can't pretend to be normal with you when I know continuation of this is going to hurt me. I am selfish and I hurt my ex in a way that I still feel so guilty and liking you is what makes me feel guilty the most. It is easy for you to take yourself out and proceed logically normal but in this, I fail. I just need to learn to not let things get to me you know. Too many things going on rn and having you on my mind all the time doesn’t  help either. I need time to sort things out and learn not to be selfish and how to be a good friend, could be weeks, months or years from now that I will think back of how silly this was. Please don't text back. This is probation..suspension! This is hard as it is, like difficulty level: purgatory at 35c quest and the player's level is below 100. Until then take care, cutie pie.
-T